a little bit more about me

My name is Beth and I accidentally have found myself living in Arizona but I'm originally from Tennessee. My education is in history and anthropology, which means that I know a little about a lot of things and can hold my own at a cocktail party in mixed company. I work in museums, doing all sorts of things ranging from researching and writing exhibits to cataloguing absolute wickety wak. I love comedy, baking, photography, my daughter, dogs, and above all else, napping.*

* 2013 edit: Oh yeah, and my new son too.

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    Entries in sick (3)

    Thursday
    Jun052014

    A case of the mondays

    Two weeks ago, Baby got viral gastroenteritis for a couple of days and shared it with me for all of 8 hours while I was home from work with him, but we both recovered. Last Friday, as I was picking up Dawdler Toddler from daycare, she starts hurling. She had it all through the weekend, meaning we got nothing whatsoever done except tending to her. Side note: why is it that the weekends where I want to sit around on my arse and do nothing do not coincide with the weekends I get to do that? I had TONS of errands & stuff I desperately needed to get done, because I'd gotten nothing done being home from work with a sick Baby. 

    By Sunday, I was feeling very stressed - faced with missing even more work and still needing to get tons of stuff done outside of work, I texted every sitter as well as any contacts who could potentially serve as an emergency stand-in sitter, asking if by some random chance anyone could possibly watch her on Monday. I've been missing TONS of work with sick Baby. My Better Half doing fieldwork during the workweek means that I'm the only one ever available when daycare calls telling me Baby has a fever and has to leave, so I feel like I'm walking a fine line at work. I don't know if I am. Maybe I'm just super sensitive to the rolling eyes one of my coworkers gives me (a childless jackass) whenever I'm dashing out to grab a sick Baby or Toddler. Maybe I'm just super sensitive because it's performance review season and I'm paranoid that it might appear as if I'm not accomplishing much other than occasionally and unpredictably occupying a chair after returning from maternity leave this time around. Maybe I'm super sensitive because I have a new boss, who, while he has four children of his own, has never once experienced the "my kid has a fever above 100, so s/he has to be picked up from daycare within 30 minutes and can't return for at least 24 hours" because his wife has always been a stay at home mom. I'd like to believe that my work worries are all in my imagination but I'm not quite convinced that's true. But, alas, no sitters or would-be sitters were available. 

    So I crossed my fingers and held my breath and the next day, Dawdler Toddler seemed to be back to her normal self, and after being able to hold down her breakfast, I took her to daycare. And her Baby brother. Even though he had a fever. I didn't have an alternative, given that I had no sitter available. And I HAD to make an 8:30-10:30 meeting, if nothing else. So I just prayed that he was just running a low-grade, teething? minor thing? fever and would be fine. After having to wait in the morning to make sure Dawdler Toddler was okay enough to go to daycare, I was super late to work - more than an hour late. Let's just say the clock read 8:32 when I was getting ready to leave daycare for work. I got to work only to discover that my meeting was way far away in another building, so I was about 30 minutes late for that important must-not-miss meeting. And I was there about 25 minutes before daycare called and said Baby had a fever and was vomiting and had to leave.

    So I excused myself with yet another quick missive of "sorry! gotta run! I'll try to get in some work from home!" apology and dashed out. Got Baby, got him some Tylenol and he went down for his afternoon nap. That just dragged on and on and on. By late afternoon, after I'd picked up Dawdler Toddler from daycare, I was starting to get concerned. He seemed a little out of it, listless if you will. And his fever, rather than going down with Tylenol just kept going up. And he wasn't the least bit interested in eating anything at all. By the time his breathing seemed to be getting strangely irregular, I left My Better Half, home from 10 hours of fieldwork in 111 degrees, to put Toddler to bed while I took Baby in to the children's hospital, the only thing open at that hour. I get to the children's hospital and have a text from My Better Half saying: I have the stomach flu now too, can't stop throwing up, but keep me updated. I get us checked in and while we're waiting in triage, I start hurling. Repeatedly. 

    They kept an eye on Baby, checking his vitals every 20 minutes, trying to coax him into taking pedialyte (unsuccessfully), giving him medicine for nausea first in order to then administer more Tylenol so he could keep that down and then waiting for him to demonstrate that he wanted and/or could eat. They kept him far longer than I would have expected. Which is why I was more miserable by the moment. I couldn't stop throwing up, my stomach was doing somersaults, and I had nothing with me. Nothing. Not even a water bottle to go fill up, not a sweater to stave off the fever chills that were washing over me in waves. So every 20 minutes they came in to give him medicine and make sure he was improving and I'm getting worse by the second but they couldn't even so much as bring me a goddamn apple juice because I'm "not the patient." I get it on an intellectual level - liability of treating someone who's not a patient in this letigious world of defensive medicine we find ourselves in - but at a visceral, physical level I was furious. Your whole purpose as nurses and doctors is to help people feel better, and if mom is doing this horribly, how can she be expected to take in all the information you're giving about Baby's condition and respond?

    Why wouldn't I just text My Better Half and say "for chrissakes, bring me some gatorade?" you ask? Because we have one vehicle. One. With both carseats in it. So even if he would have wanted to drag Toddler and himself out of bed and then out of the house at an ungodly hour to come bring ME medicine at the children's hospital, he couldn't have. Not to mention he was throwing up at home too. 

    So all in all, I've managed to make it to work one whole day this week. My Better Half seems to have improved, as have I. Although now that he's back to working in 110 degrees, we'll see. Baby still has a fever and is vomiting and was seen again yesterday and will be seen again Saturday. So I'm not counting on getting ANYTHING done this week or weekend either. Good thing my folks are coming in town Tuesday. Oh wait, that means I gotta somehow clean & disinfect this disastrous house. And take 48 hours vacation time. Right before my annual performance review. I'm beginning to think the rumors circulating yesterday that anyone who was getting a raise this year got notification yesterday is true. Like that asshole coworker who shoots me a dirty look every time I rush out, scrambling to go get a sick kid, just doing my best not to lose it.

    Friday
    Sep212012

    Where Have I Been?

    I don't know. I haven't actually *been* anywhere. Didn't go away since May for the summer. Or anywhere, really. I've just been working sitting at a desk in my cubicle. And getting sick. Repeat.

    I've been on 6 antibiotics since the spring, but I'm still fighting a chronic awful sinus infection (and periodic bouts of strep throat) that make me feel lousy. Just not lousy enough to stay home, but lousy enough to not be able to keep up with all my normal routines. Between working full-time sitting in a cubicle 40 hours a week and being sick full-time and taking care of Baby, who is now a toddler by the way, I haven't had time to do anything else, like post here or watch an entire season of Breaking Bad. (Which, thanks to the immediacy of our web culture, has already been ruined thanks to the presumption that if you own a DVR, you must not use it because it's fair game to discuss it freely and openly within 24 hours of its original airing). So while you can talk to me about Breaking Bad, what you cannot do is stop by unannounced and ask to come in to my house. I will cockblock you at the door and get rid of you as quickly (and politely) as possible so you cannot peer past me to even so much as glimpse the absolute wreck within.*

    *This is not to say that My Better Half™ has not been keeping up way more than his fair share of things at home. He has been, as always, a tremendous support in all the cooking, cleaning, diapering, feeding, and everything else that goes into being an all-around awesome partner. But still. He's only one person.

    While I haven't been anywhere, my mind has been wandering. I've been thinking more and more about finding another job until I can figure out a way to work for myself. But the thought, which used to be a polite little occasional rap on the door, has become a deafening roar. It's like there's a mob armed with pitchforks ready to break down the door and storm the castle. I can accept that I have to work full-time to provide for Baby (and support My Better Half™ while he finishes grad school). But if I have to be in a cubicle 40 hours a week, I'd much rather be doing something that keeps me busy, at a minimum (though it would be nice if it also kept me interested). I got offered this job when I was laid off and knocked up. I accepted the job because it seemed like a good fit - it made use of my existing skills, it was at a university where I figured I'd be around bright people, and it seemed like a place where I could learn a few things. It's hard to learn anything when, after a year and a half, I've had 2 short-term projects. And I am around bright people - my boss remains the best boss I've ever had...but she's no longer my boss, and she's leaving soon. And I've realized that what I love about being in a university setting is the students, and I don't work with them at all. As far as I can tell, my job seems largely to consist of showing up 40 hours a week to be available in the event that someone needs something that only takes me a couple minutes to do. So I read blogs. And this morning, I read this post by (Not) Maud, in which she writes that she used to keep herself busy at work by reading blogs because she had nothing else to do. This part really sums up what I think is at the heart of my dissatisfaction with work:

    "I'm not the only overeducated underused employee that ever existed, so I'm pretty sure I'm not the only person who ever did this. I'm not the only person with a degree in English to find herself sitting behind the receptionist's desk or waiting for someone else to schedule a meeting so that she could update a handbook that nobody would read anyway. On a global-economy scale, that's a lot of unharnessed energy."

    Damn straight. I have a ton of unharnessed energy, and I am more than ready to harness it and put it to work for myself. Not only will that be much more satisfying to me, but I also would be able to spend more time on the things that matter to me - Baby, My Better Half™, and napping, for starters. Bonus: If I worked for myself, I think I would be better equipped to carve out the time I need to get a few weeks rest because this nickel & diming my time off to rest isn't helping me get over months of being sick. I've made a plan and I'm going to keep myself accountable to it.

    Monday
    Mar262012

    blech. sick.

    My life since last Thursday can be summed up as: alternating between tylenol and sudafed every 4-6 hours. I feel awful. I think it's safe to say that I have been more sick since Baby was born than any other time in my life. Even though I managed to get a few catnaps this weekend and barely did anything besides lay around moaning, I stil felt straight up awful this morning. But I decided to go to work anyway because I have no sick time anyway and thought I could at least tough it through the morning with more sudafed and tylenol, like I did last week.

    So I was sitting around literally counting the moments until I could bail, feeling just shitty, when my boss asked if I could go to the training workshop today in her stead. Why? "I feel so sleepy! My cats kept me up ALL night!"

    I'm sorry. What?

    Your kitty cats? You mean the ones that require constant vigilant supervision, feeding, bathing, entertaining, diapering, and soothing? Oh, wait, no. That would be my nine month old. That I took care of all weekend with, I'm quite certain, the flu. So pardon me if I'm out of give-a-shits.