a little bit more about me

My name is Beth and I accidentally have found myself living in Arizona but I'm originally from Tennessee. My education is in history and anthropology, which means that I know a little about a lot of things and can hold my own at a cocktail party in mixed company. I work in museums, doing all sorts of things ranging from researching and writing exhibits to cataloguing absolute wickety wak. I love comedy, baking, photography, my daughter, dogs, and above all else, napping.*

* 2013 edit: Oh yeah, and my new son too.

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    Saturday
    Sep062014

    Unfiltered thoughts: what the...?

    Tempe is full of weird ass signs. Here's one.

    Friday
    Sep052014

    Good friends are hard to find

    Yesterday I was lamenting about the difficulty of making new friends at work (among other things). Here's a perfect example. I have a coworker who I've often thought should be friends with me. So I followed what I think to be normal make-a-friend protocol: I introduced myself first, I have since chatted with her from time to time, sometimes at great length, I've IM'd her, and discovered tons that we have in common. We're both from the South, she used to work in the same field as My Better Half and so we know some of the same companies and people, she loves all things food, and she has a kid just a hair younger than my oldest. So over time I've tried to transition our workquaitance into more of a friendship and...it's gone absolutely nowhere. I've stopped by and asked her out to coffee: no, thanks. I've invited her to things that I get invited to with other moms: no, thanks. I've asked if she wants to check out the farmer's market or go to this photography exhibit sometime or: no, no, no. Always no. So I basically gave up.

    Today I stumbled on her blog. And I can't decide if I feel even MORE rejected because I'm seeing how much we really do have in common (likes: coffee breaks, walks, babies, photography, baking, and cocktails) that's making me seethe with rage at her successful blog, or if it's just her smug-ass tone. The whole thing reeks of "look at me and my cute little family effortlessly identifying and then seamlessly achieving all our life goals one by one!" tone. It's really hard for me to relate to, either because of the current uncertainties that underpin our lives at this moment or because I live over here. IN THE REAL WORLD where life can be HARD and can't be photoshopped to perfection. And/or because I'm bitter as all hell that someone else seems to have achieved my perfect blend of working as a writer and still having the time + energy + spousal support to devote to one's own personal creative outlets. 

    So I needed a gut check and sent the blog to my BFF without commentary.

    Her: huh. So why *aren't* you friends with her?

    Me: I dunno, ask her. I've made an effort for a year now, and gotten shut down every time.

    Her, five minutes later: I dunno, she seems a little...smug?

    Me: YES! THANK YOU! I wasn't sure if it was just that I'm having a hard time relating to her perfect little life or seething with jealousy and/or bitter?

    Her: Well, then file me under: bitter as sh*t too.

    And that's why we're BFFs. 

    Thursday
    Sep042014

    duct taping it all together

    Here it is just after Labor Day and I have no idea where summer went. Oh, wait, I live in PHX so for all intents & purposes, it's still here, sticking its ugly thumb in my eye until at least Halloween. But the "fall" semester descended upon us a couple of weeks ago, and it is the. last. fall. semester. ever.

    Or it was supposed to be.

    My Better Half™ was supposed to graduate in December. Now that's up in the air. His committee needs time to read the thousand pages he's written or some sh*t like that. Can't they just nod and go to their happy place like I do and sign something that says "yeah, whatever, sounds good, nice work!"? The point is that the patience that I had allocated to get me through one last semester of nonstop thinking anxiety about what the job market will hold for him and him stressing 24/7 about final edits and graphics and keeping up with all the department and graduation paperwork, and Oh yeah that whole what the F*CK to do after graduation needs to be spread out even more. Our idea that we would be able to reclaim more work-life balance and spend more time together as a family doing fun stuff has been pushed out to an even more distant horizon. 

    I've been doing my best to deal with that. Deep down I'm pissed. But deep, DEEP down, I'm still pissed but also part of me is the tiniest bit relieved that he won't graduate until May because 1) it will look less bad to not have a job a year from now when you've only been unemployed since May (on paper anyway) and 2) the job market BLOWS so who cares? What's the rush? The past couple of years, the academic job market has been great solidly not sucky in his field. If you're a bioarchaeologist. (He's not). This year it seems to be decent marginally not sucky if you're a cultural anthropologist. (He's not). But it doesn't stop my brain from leaping ahead and connecting the dots unnecessarily. When the job alerts that we're subscribed to come in, I find myself going "would I even entertain living THERE? what about our house, what about our kids, what about my job?" before I even get to "Desired Qualifications: Active research agenda in race and ethnicity, sociolinguistics, and award winning publications in the economic exchange systems of Sons of Anarchy." I mean, come ON! Now if it were just Game of Thrones Beheadings he'd stand a chance... But at least the piecing together consulting + adjuncting work here is the devil we know, the job market is a complete unknown. 

    What's made all that harder even still to deal with has been just a lot of adjustments in my personal life. This time around, I'm really feeling the isolating effects of having a baby. Part of it is I have very little energy left over after a long workday & two kiddos 3 and under, so I can't summon the energy to think about what there is to go do, nevermind go do it. I'm just tired. All. The. Time. Also, just the timing of where our kids are at socially. Baby is at the peak of separation anxiety and requires being held at all of the times. So it's just not all that fun to go out with them - I have to hold him. And when we do go out, Dawdler Toddler Preschooler stands frozen in place, clinging to my legs because she's around "strangers" (i.e., anyone she doesn't live with), so I can maybe get in 90 seconds of adult conversation at a time. And we almost never, EVER get to go out without them - it's just too much money for a sitter when you're only one full-time income and have 2 kids in daycare and no family nearby to dump the kids off with. I think we've been out once without the kids since Baby was born. Which will be a year ago in 3 weeks. (Or should I also count the time we used a sitter for us to have a date night the night I was IN THE HOSPITAL GIVING BIRTH? So twice then?)

    Part of it is just the rhythm of life with a baby (not just particular to our current financial & geographical circumstances). You find yourself housebound when the baby's asleep. In other words during the very same block of time you could be getting something done, you're stranded inside your home seeing as Child Protective Services doesn't look too kindly on leaving the little ones at home alone while you run errands. Thank God for the interwebz...but there's only so much shopping and reading and movie watching you can get done online. Amazon's not all that convenient when it's milk you need FOR YOUR COFFEE or library books to return. And when you can venture forth, you're got a little person (or in my case, two) attached at the hip, so heading to that new movie you're dying to see or out with friends for a beer is not in the cards. And even if you can get out every once in awhile, social things can just be such a pain in the ass when you have to lug around a diaper bag stuffed with diapers, changes of clothes, hats, sunscreen...I'm cranky just typing a list never mind hauling it all around. As a result, all my "free" time becomes the spare moments I have for errands + gym + fun. In other words: no time left for fun 99% of the time.

    And do I even need to mention life in Arizona during the summer? It might be fall where you are, but here it's still 109 out there. Or so I hear, since I am too scared to peek out through the blackout curtains. People hole up indoors and/or take a bunch of time off to get the hell away from the Death Star. It should go without saying that I've been avoiding Face-stagram all summer because I'm seething with jealousy at all my friends' trips to California, Hawaii, the beach, hikes in Flagstaff, and everywhere else that isn't 109. So between the isolation of being at home with Baby and being indoors while it seems like the ENTIRE rest of the world is out having a blast has taken its toll. I guess while much of the rest of you get seasonal affective disorder from gray wintry days, I get it here from all the sun. I like a nice sunny day here & there. But it's hard to appreciate when you're living on the surface of the sun. It is relentless - brandishing a hole in my retinas and a deep resentment in my skin expressed by eleventeen million new freckles every month. I need weather. I need seasons. I could more easily accommodate living here if I ever got to escape and experience weather that would make me more appreciative of what I'd be coming back to. But since we're still living the grad school life, there are no funds to get us out of here from time to time. Since I'm long winded today, I'll also save you the details of our car troubles, too. As in: much of the summer spent WITHOUT AIR CONDITIONING in our one and only functioning vehicle. Bottom line: it's hard to get out of the house, which feels really isolating.

    You know what else feels isolating? Not being in sync with your friends. Our closest friends have all moved in the last 2 years. Every. Last. One. And now I'm struggling with knowing where to find our kind of peeps. We find ourselves gravitating more and more towards hanging out with the parents of our Dawdler Toddler Preschooler's friends because if nothing else, they get the whole kids thing. The whole there is a naptime and a bedtime, and it's tough to get out during those times and no, we can't wait til 11-ish on a Sunday at a hip restaurant for an hour to have breakfast because we'd all be dying from our kids' whining us to death from low blood sugar. I've been trying to make new friends at work. And, uh. Yeah, see? That's about the only place I go besides the gym. But, it's slow and hard, and y'know, just takes time even when you do make a work friend. Which I haven't really yet. 

    So I've been holding it all together. Trying to just make my way from work to the gym to daycare. Repeat. It's been going o-kaaayyyyy, I guess, but not great. I think that all of these things will get better soon. But I just don't know when "soon" is. 

    Tuesday
    Aug052014

    it's not me, it's all of you

    One of the joys of sharing a single vehicle is we get to discuss our mutual hatred of local radio. If I had time to Google, I could confirm that all radio stations are really just run by one single horrible algorithm (I'm talking to you, I Heart Radio, I think?) that plays the shittiest songs all at the same time and all go to commercial at exactly the same time, too. So we constantly find ourselves bopping from one preset to the next trying to find something less awful than Don Henley or Eddie Vedder or Van Hagar or...whatever. By the way: it's a terrible day when you find that the classic rock station's playlist is actually stuff from your own adolescence rather than tunes from before your time. Related: June 2003, you still haunt me. Anyway, as we were driving around tonight, I lunged for the off button in 0.06 seconds when Rod Stewart came on. 

    My Better Half: "Have you ever wondered if, instead of everyone else having bad taste, YOU'RE the one with bad taste, just unable to appreciate that Rod Stewart is actually good?"

    Me: "Uh, no! Have you?"

    My Better Half: "God no!"

    What a ridiculous question.

    Saturday
    Jul122014

    How to avoid bath time antics

    Recipe for ensuring your kids smell straight-from-the-bath fresh and clean with a minimum of difficulty and effort:

    Have older child scrub your face with their bath soap during imaginary bath time. Do not rinse.

    The rest of the day any time you cuddle or hold your child, you will think "Awww. You smell SO good."